Eight years ago, during this week, I was getting ready to embark on a solo pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela. I was 59 years old, and wanted to so domething to mark the end of my fifties. I also wanted to support the Capital Campaign of the K-W Multicultural Centre with a pilgrimage that would gather sponsorships, so that the Centre could buy a new building.
The actual walk took one month of walking in Spain, during May of 2003. Mornings were cool, afternoons comfortable. There was sunshine almost every day. I travelled alone, though I was never alone. There were always other fellow pilgrims on the trail.
My preparation consisted mostly of walking around Kitchener Waterloo, to break in my boots, and to get used to my backpack. Since I intended to take no more than 11 pounds (including a bottle of water that would get lighter as the day wore on), the planning of what to take was almost as important as the actual walking preparation.
What to take with you, when you are going to be walking every day, and sleeping in a different shelter every night, with up to sixty other people? I took a hat. A strong hiking pole to hold on to. Very few light, easy wearing items of clothing that would dry quickly, a comfortable pair of sandals for evenings, a long dress that would serve both as sleepwear and relaxing tunic after a long day of walking. I also took a cotton shawl that served as a privacy curtain around my bunk, and as a quick-drying towel. I took no cosmetics, except for skin lotion, sun screen and a few other health products. I cut my hair very, very short, so that I would not need to carry a comb or a brush. I took my father's little Book of Common Prayer. A map. My bank card and passport. In total, I carried eleven pounds, including a full bottle of water. I packed and unpacked, wound and rewound the clothing; I added, took away, and packed again until I was ready.
Later this week I am embarking upon a more taxing pilgrimage - an internal pilgrimage through the land of Chemotherapy and Radiation. I expect that this trek will take me, sometime in the middle of autumn, to a healthy resolution of the breast cancer that I discovered this winter.
What shall I pack for this awesome journey? How to prepare? I am thinking about this today, and so my post today is written as a review of what I might need to "pack". I am taking out my bright yellow backpack to carry my things to the hospital for treatments. It will serve as a connection to the earlier journey. My hat and a hair piece or a scarf will protect my head once I shave off my grey curls. Easy clothing, some of it made of silk, to be comfortable and soft. Precious few cosmetics, though I hope to carry and apply my Burt's Bees colour lip gloss every day!
I am walking alone this time, but it is a different "alone" from my earlier pilgrimage. Then I was physically alone, away from my family and home, though always in the presence of other pilgrims. This time I am alone in the sense that I alone will receive the treatments. It is my own body that has been affected,it will be my body that will experience both the blessing of healing and the worrisome side effects of the chemotherapy.
My previous pilgrimage experience put me in contact with dozens of local residents who decided to support my project. My church friends supported me and my family walked in spirit with me every step of the way.
Again this time, I have been overwhelmed with the support of friends, acquaintances and family from near and far. My sister, daughter and her family are here spending this beautiful Easter weekend with David and me. I visited family in Toronto over the weekend, our friend John calls David from time to time to check in. Friends have prepared meals that will come in handy after the treatment starts. My daughter, son-in-law, my grand children and my sister are planting things in the garden. My children's friends come over to visit and share their experiences, books,and music with me. They and many others are getting ready to set off with me on this amazing pilgrimage toward healing.
I was saying to David the other day that I imagine myself as a boxer, getting ready to go into the ring. The other people around are my trainers making sure that I make the right moves, protect myself, and get the job done. And by God, we shall get the job done, no question about that!
Why have I been keeping this blog journal? Why have I decided to make my encounter with cancer so open? Because I know how many people in our communities are shocked when they are diagnosed with cancer. It is still seen by many as a horrible curse, one that should not be talked about. And so, people suffer in silence until near the end. Even when friends know what is going on, they maintain a poignant silence: if it is not mentioned, then perhaps it is not happening. "If we don't tell the patient then she will not despair."
My decision to make my condition known stems from a desire to do whatever I can to stress that cancer can be beaten. It is an unfortunate thing to have happen, it is an unplanned interruption, it is frightening, but it is part of the human condition. And when these things happen, humans support one another, and visit each other, and bring a book, or send a card, or make a casserole or a prayer shawl, or a loaf of bread. In so doing, we offer comfort and we join the great company of pilgrims who are journeying to health and to healing.
As I write this, my grandkids are having a gardening blitz in our back yard, together with their parents and my sister. They are planting strawberries, onions, garlic, calla lilies and sunflowers.
It is time I joined them. I want to take some pictures of the kids, and gather more good thoughts and memories for the road ahead. And we will see you around, looking forward to sunflowers in the autumn, on the way to Santiago.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
An Easter Meditation From the Third Century
Indulge me please, this evening, and allow me to refer to my own spiritual roots.
Being a Planetary Pilgrim means that I am able to drink deeply from every stream of faith and comfort. Yet, I was brought up in the Easter tradition. Therefore at this time of the year my spirit soars with the promise of hope and life, with the certainty that justice can overcome injustice, and that righteousness must overcome homelessness and despair. I inherited a tradition that says that there is immorality in allowing poverty, hunger and greed to ruin our life on this planet.
To all who read this, whether you have been brought up in this tradition or not, I offer this meditation as a reminder that we are Planetary Pilgrims, all of us. We all are invited to live in hope, and to work and struggle for hope.
My thoughts today are not about whether the man Jesus rose from a physical death or not, but rather whether we accept the belief that injustice will not forever stand in the way of justice. We are called to proclaim that hatred cannot win over love, ever.
St. John Chrysostom's (347-407) Easter Homily:
"Are there any who are devout lovers of God? Let them enjoy this beautiful bright festival!
Are there any who are grateful servants? Let them rejoice and enter into the joy of their Lord!
Are there any weary from fasting? Let them now receive their due!
If any have toiled from the first hour, let them receive their reward.
If any have come after the third hour, let them with gratitude join in the feast!
Those who arrived after the sixth hour, let them not doubt; for they shall not be short-changed.
Those who have tarried until the ninth hour, let them not hesitate; but let them come too.
And those who arrived only at the eleventh hour, let them not be afraid by reason of their delay.
For the Lord is gracious and receives the last even as the first. The Lord gives rest to those who come at the eleventh hour, even as to those who toiled from the beginning.
To one and all the Lord gives generously. The Lord accepts the offering of every work.
The Lord honours every deed and commends their intention. Let us all enter into the joy of the Lord! First and last alike, receive your reward. Rich and poor, rejoice together! Conscientious and lazy, celebrate the day!
You who have kept the fast, and you who have not, rejoice, this day, for the table is bountifully spread! Feast royally, for the calf is fatted. Let no one go away hungry. Partake, all, of the banquet of faith. Enjoy the bounty of the Lord's goodness! Let no one grieve being poor, for the universal reign has been revealed. Let no one lament persistent failings, for forgiveness has risen from the grave. Let no one fear death, for the death of our Saviour has set us free.
The Lord has destroyed death by enduring it. The Lord vanquished hell when he descended into it.The Lord put hell in turmoil even as it tasted of his flesh. Isaiah foretold this when he said,
"You, O Hell, were placed in turmoil when he encountering you below."
Hell was in turmoil having been eclipsed. Hell was in turmoil having been mocked. Hell was in turmoil having been destroyed. Hell was in turmoil having been abolished. Hell was in turmoil having been made captive.
Hell grasped a corpse, and met God. Hell seized earth, and encountered heaven. Hell took what it saw, and was overcome by what it could not see. O death, where is your sting? O hell, where is your victory?
Christ is risen, and you are cast down! Christ is risen, and the demons are fallen! Christ is risen, and the angels rejoice! Christ is risen, and life is set free! Christ is risen, and the tomb is emptied of its dead. For Christ, having risen from the dead, is become the first-fruits of those who have fallen asleep.
To God be glory and power forever and ever. Amen! "
Our blog will return during this week, for regularly scheduled posts regarding my new encounter with chemotherapy this coming Thursday.
Being a Planetary Pilgrim means that I am able to drink deeply from every stream of faith and comfort. Yet, I was brought up in the Easter tradition. Therefore at this time of the year my spirit soars with the promise of hope and life, with the certainty that justice can overcome injustice, and that righteousness must overcome homelessness and despair. I inherited a tradition that says that there is immorality in allowing poverty, hunger and greed to ruin our life on this planet.
To all who read this, whether you have been brought up in this tradition or not, I offer this meditation as a reminder that we are Planetary Pilgrims, all of us. We all are invited to live in hope, and to work and struggle for hope.
My thoughts today are not about whether the man Jesus rose from a physical death or not, but rather whether we accept the belief that injustice will not forever stand in the way of justice. We are called to proclaim that hatred cannot win over love, ever.
St. John Chrysostom's (347-407) Easter Homily:
"Are there any who are devout lovers of God? Let them enjoy this beautiful bright festival!
Are there any who are grateful servants? Let them rejoice and enter into the joy of their Lord!
Are there any weary from fasting? Let them now receive their due!
If any have toiled from the first hour, let them receive their reward.
If any have come after the third hour, let them with gratitude join in the feast!
Those who arrived after the sixth hour, let them not doubt; for they shall not be short-changed.
Those who have tarried until the ninth hour, let them not hesitate; but let them come too.
And those who arrived only at the eleventh hour, let them not be afraid by reason of their delay.
For the Lord is gracious and receives the last even as the first. The Lord gives rest to those who come at the eleventh hour, even as to those who toiled from the beginning.
To one and all the Lord gives generously. The Lord accepts the offering of every work.
The Lord honours every deed and commends their intention. Let us all enter into the joy of the Lord! First and last alike, receive your reward. Rich and poor, rejoice together! Conscientious and lazy, celebrate the day!
You who have kept the fast, and you who have not, rejoice, this day, for the table is bountifully spread! Feast royally, for the calf is fatted. Let no one go away hungry. Partake, all, of the banquet of faith. Enjoy the bounty of the Lord's goodness! Let no one grieve being poor, for the universal reign has been revealed. Let no one lament persistent failings, for forgiveness has risen from the grave. Let no one fear death, for the death of our Saviour has set us free.
The Lord has destroyed death by enduring it. The Lord vanquished hell when he descended into it.The Lord put hell in turmoil even as it tasted of his flesh. Isaiah foretold this when he said,
"You, O Hell, were placed in turmoil when he encountering you below."
Hell was in turmoil having been eclipsed. Hell was in turmoil having been mocked. Hell was in turmoil having been destroyed. Hell was in turmoil having been abolished. Hell was in turmoil having been made captive.
Hell grasped a corpse, and met God. Hell seized earth, and encountered heaven. Hell took what it saw, and was overcome by what it could not see. O death, where is your sting? O hell, where is your victory?
Christ is risen, and you are cast down! Christ is risen, and the demons are fallen! Christ is risen, and the angels rejoice! Christ is risen, and life is set free! Christ is risen, and the tomb is emptied of its dead. For Christ, having risen from the dead, is become the first-fruits of those who have fallen asleep.
To God be glory and power forever and ever. Amen! "
Our blog will return during this week, for regularly scheduled posts regarding my new encounter with chemotherapy this coming Thursday.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Planetary Pilgrims Enjoy a Little Bit of Fun!
Enough of the strong stuff, enjoy this little CAT on the Way to Santiago!
Glowing Blood Vessels are the Order of the Day for this Planetary Pilgrim
Today I had a test called a "multiple uptake gated acquisition scan", or MUGA scan for short. This test took place at St. Mary's Hospital in Kitchener. First they took a couple of vials of my blood, sent it someplace to add a substance to it, and injected it back again into my vein.
Then I lay on a stretcher that took me in and out of the scanner, while it took a picture of how my heart works. It took 30 minutes to take this image, or series of images.
The reason for this scan is to ensure that the muscle in my heart is strong enough to withstand any side effects caused by certain type of chemicals used to combat breast cancer through chemotherapy. While some of these substances can be excellent in combatting this disease, they can also be hard on heart muscle.
While I lay having my test, not moving for over 30 minutes, I became aware of every breath, of every itch in my body. I was also reminded of the man some years ago who was forgotten in a CAT scan room, while staff left the building. No such thing happened today, or has ever happened at St. Mary's, I am sure!!!
Being a STARTREK fan, I was also reminded of Lt. Commander Leonard McCoy, also called "Bones". He was the doctor in the original STARTREK series. I may need to remind readers that this is a Science Fiction series that takes place in the 24th Century. Dr. Mc Coy's knowledge and practice of medicine is quite different from ours today. He is also well versed in historical medical practices, and often refers to the medical practices of our time (which is four hundred years ago, for him) as medieval and barbaric.
I listened to the plan to take some vials of my blood, mixing in a special substance, and injecting it back, to make the pumping action of my heart more visible to the scanner. I could not help but remember Dr. Mc Coy's description of our methods in this century!
And yet, we now live in the 21st century. I am grateful for the amazing discoveries that make the workings of my body visible and clear to the physicians who are working with me toward healing. It is the stuff of science fiction indeed, and it is available to me, free of charge, thanks to the good work of leaders who believed that health care service is a right, not just the privilege of a few.
It is time I got going. So, never fear, Dr. McCoy. We will catch up with you, surely, on the way to Santiago!
Then I lay on a stretcher that took me in and out of the scanner, while it took a picture of how my heart works. It took 30 minutes to take this image, or series of images.
The reason for this scan is to ensure that the muscle in my heart is strong enough to withstand any side effects caused by certain type of chemicals used to combat breast cancer through chemotherapy. While some of these substances can be excellent in combatting this disease, they can also be hard on heart muscle.
While I lay having my test, not moving for over 30 minutes, I became aware of every breath, of every itch in my body. I was also reminded of the man some years ago who was forgotten in a CAT scan room, while staff left the building. No such thing happened today, or has ever happened at St. Mary's, I am sure!!!
Being a STARTREK fan, I was also reminded of Lt. Commander Leonard McCoy, also called "Bones". He was the doctor in the original STARTREK series. I may need to remind readers that this is a Science Fiction series that takes place in the 24th Century. Dr. Mc Coy's knowledge and practice of medicine is quite different from ours today. He is also well versed in historical medical practices, and often refers to the medical practices of our time (which is four hundred years ago, for him) as medieval and barbaric.
I listened to the plan to take some vials of my blood, mixing in a special substance, and injecting it back, to make the pumping action of my heart more visible to the scanner. I could not help but remember Dr. Mc Coy's description of our methods in this century!
And yet, we now live in the 21st century. I am grateful for the amazing discoveries that make the workings of my body visible and clear to the physicians who are working with me toward healing. It is the stuff of science fiction indeed, and it is available to me, free of charge, thanks to the good work of leaders who believed that health care service is a right, not just the privilege of a few.
It is time I got going. So, never fear, Dr. McCoy. We will catch up with you, surely, on the way to Santiago!
CAT Scan Developments That Help Make this Planetary Pilgrim More Visible
Take a look at CAT scan technology, through this short video: Thanks, Ontario!
Friday, April 15, 2011
How Does a Planetary Pilgrim Define Joy?
Today was a red-letter day. In the past, calendars used to mark special holidays in red - that is the meaning of the phrase "red-letter day". Today is the 15th of April. Today my oncologist told me that she is working with me toward healing, and assured me that, in her studied opinion, the cancer I have is curable.
To be sure, it will not be a fun spring and summer. Autumn may not be that great, either. But we shall be working toward healing. So far it looks like other organs, beyond the original breast lump and the lymph system, have not been affected. There is still a need to further check certain questions regarding indications of chronic lung issues, and some bone indications that might just be arthritis. But we heard the word "curable", and we are relishing this today.
Chemotherapy will begin during the week after Easter. In the Eastern Orthodox tradition the first week after Easter counts as if it were one day - Easter Day. What a good week to start the next step of the journey toward healing!
My oncology appointment was long and tense for me, for David, and for our friend Sara. What an amazing gift she gave us, to come with us, to be present, to listen with us and to rejoice with us at the good news. It was good to know that there were three of us listening to the report of tests, and to the plans for chemotherapy.
Lots of work yet to do. Not out of the woods yet, but as Sara said, "At least we are in a clearing!"
Nothing else to report tonight. We will just bask in the good and hopeful feeling, and concentrate on getting ready for what is sure to be the challenge ahead.
Tonight I would like to think about the wonderful volunteers who work with such dedication and sensitivity. I would like to think about the folks at Hope Spring Cancer Support Centre. I would like to think about the staff and physicians who work at the Grand River Cancer Centre. Each of them is a person with their own story and reason for being active in this field.
Tonight is all about gratitude. It is a happy evening for me, because I have hope, and because more than ever I am aware that I am not alone.
Now, it is time I got going. There is bread baking in the kitchen, filling our home with the welcome aroma. Tomorrow we will think about chemo, and wigs, and injections, and blisters, and naps, and we will go on, with all our friends and family, together, on the way to Santiago.
To be sure, it will not be a fun spring and summer. Autumn may not be that great, either. But we shall be working toward healing. So far it looks like other organs, beyond the original breast lump and the lymph system, have not been affected. There is still a need to further check certain questions regarding indications of chronic lung issues, and some bone indications that might just be arthritis. But we heard the word "curable", and we are relishing this today.
Chemotherapy will begin during the week after Easter. In the Eastern Orthodox tradition the first week after Easter counts as if it were one day - Easter Day. What a good week to start the next step of the journey toward healing!
My oncology appointment was long and tense for me, for David, and for our friend Sara. What an amazing gift she gave us, to come with us, to be present, to listen with us and to rejoice with us at the good news. It was good to know that there were three of us listening to the report of tests, and to the plans for chemotherapy.
Lots of work yet to do. Not out of the woods yet, but as Sara said, "At least we are in a clearing!"
Nothing else to report tonight. We will just bask in the good and hopeful feeling, and concentrate on getting ready for what is sure to be the challenge ahead.
Tonight I would like to think about the wonderful volunteers who work with such dedication and sensitivity. I would like to think about the folks at Hope Spring Cancer Support Centre. I would like to think about the staff and physicians who work at the Grand River Cancer Centre. Each of them is a person with their own story and reason for being active in this field.
Tonight is all about gratitude. It is a happy evening for me, because I have hope, and because more than ever I am aware that I am not alone.
Now, it is time I got going. There is bread baking in the kitchen, filling our home with the welcome aroma. Tomorrow we will think about chemo, and wigs, and injections, and blisters, and naps, and we will go on, with all our friends and family, together, on the way to Santiago.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
This Planetary Pilgrim Gets Ready, and Leans on Her Team
The post immediately below this was written by Josh Martin, and it documents some of the lessons he learned as he walked his journey through Leukemia. He is one of my heroes. At the time he was diagnosed he was in his 20's.
Josh's story is told with clarity and humour. Look him up at:
joshmartinink.wordpress.com
One of Josh's brothers is Dan Martin. Dan happens to be my son-in-law.
I am sharing part of an essay Josh wrote because it gives me hope and because I do not have many words as I prepare for my first appointment with the Chemotherapy Team tomorrow. To tell you the absolute truth, I feel very very small today. Yet, even today, I know that I am part of a beautiful Universe. I know that I am surrounded by a whole company of loved ones, some on this side of eternity, some on the other side. I am accompanied by family, friends, colleagues, and by Josh's spirit and example.
If you have time, I highly recommend Josh's writings. He gives me courage. Today, in my silence and smallness, I lean on his words ... and expect to see you and so many others, on the way to Santiago.
Josh's story is told with clarity and humour. Look him up at:
joshmartinink.wordpress.com
One of Josh's brothers is Dan Martin. Dan happens to be my son-in-law.
I am sharing part of an essay Josh wrote because it gives me hope and because I do not have many words as I prepare for my first appointment with the Chemotherapy Team tomorrow. To tell you the absolute truth, I feel very very small today. Yet, even today, I know that I am part of a beautiful Universe. I know that I am surrounded by a whole company of loved ones, some on this side of eternity, some on the other side. I am accompanied by family, friends, colleagues, and by Josh's spirit and example.
If you have time, I highly recommend Josh's writings. He gives me courage. Today, in my silence and smallness, I lean on his words ... and expect to see you and so many others, on the way to Santiago.
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