Depression and "staying in the moment"

Today is Tuesday. On Sunday I had what might be termed a not-so-good day. Nothing at all, except a general feeling of weakness that took over my whole body. I did not go out, I did not go downstairs, I just stayed in bed and slept. 


Then Monday came along, and it was dark, overcast, windy, not a very friendly sort of day. I still felt weak and weary. By noon, it was a bit alarming. I did not want to get up, I just wanted to sleep. Nothing was interesting - not food, not conversation, not reading. I have a couple of films that I want to see, but it did not seem like a good idea at the time. Just no desire at all. 


David was good to me. He kept his cool, and asked me from time to time if I wanted anything, but otherwise he went on spending time doing his things. That was helpful. Feeling as despondent as I did, the last thing I needed was to have someone hovering over me as if something dreadful was happening. 


My mind was mostly blank. There was no challenge to think thoughts, or to get better. I decided that I would keep a watch over my mood, and not worry about what was happening, unless a third day of "blah" came along.


Today, the sun is shining, I did one load of laundry, and I had some tomato soup. I just decided that I do not like tomato soup any more. I cannot imagine ever liking it again! My sister Pichi warned me there would be days like this. "On such days, don't eat your favourite food, and don't listen to your favourite music" she wrote me. She is right. I could lose the taste for it!


Water is tasting salty. At first I thought it was something in the taps. So, I bought a bottle of something called smart water. It also tasted salty! It must be something related to the chemo. So, even though I dearly love fiddlehead ferns, and this is the season to enjoy them, I shall keep them for another time. Would not like to spoil that pleasure. 


I do not feel sad or depressed today, though I had a conversation with someone who mostly spoke of negative things! I have resolved to avoid Google diagnosis, and to stay away from too much information about what is coming. "Stay in the moment", shall be my motto, for I cannot add a single inch to my stature, nor can I meet tomorrow until it comes. 


And if it gets hairy scary, I shall call my sister the Peach, who is an expert in the art of distraction. I don't have two sisters for nothing! Each one has her own special talent and someday soon I shall tell you about Grace.


It is time I  got going, and I will see you around resting, relaxing, and staying in the moment, on the way to Santiago.