A Planetary Pilgrim Visits Grand River Hospital

This was my first visit to the Cancer Centre. My first visit as a patient, that is. I have been there before to act as a language interpreter, or to visit a friend receiving care. 


Today it was different: I was the patient, I was lying on the stretcher. I won't pussyfoot around this, I was a bit worried. I felt anxious while I waited for my David to park the car; it felt like the first day of school!. 


I was met by a volunteer who introduced himself to me formally. I found that helpful. I now knew his name, he wanted me to know his name! I felt welcomed. Every effort seemed aimed at normalizing an awkward situation. I felt that these people have seen it all before, yet they knew that I have only just entered this overwhelming new world - the world of cancer. 


After an assessment interview where I was asked a lot of questions, I got to meet the radiation specialist. He brought me up to date with what is known about my situation. There was talk about the size of the tumor (2.5 cm.), about the lymph nodes that were examined (10) and how many were affected by cancer (8). 


There was a clear suggestion that without radiation the chances of a return  within five years could be 50%. Radiation could lower that risk to 10%. My reply was simple: It does not take a rocket scientist to choose radiation! 


The proposed course of radiation would be 25 days, over a 5 week period, and it would take place after chemotherapy. Tomorrow I will have a CT scan at St. Mary's Hospital.  Then, on Friday I will return to Grand River Hospital to meet with yet one more specialist, and to discuss chemotherapy. 


How do I feel? I feel hopeful. I feel supported by a powerful team. I am looking forward to my appointment on Friday. However, I am quite aware that I am not out of the woods yet! I haven't even entered the forest ...


On days like today I feel enormously grateful that David is in my corner. He is there, present, trusting, feeling, This is a frightening situation in the life of any human being, and in the life of any couple. I think about where we were on February 13th this year, and where we found ourselves one week later. I think of where we are today, and try to imagine where we will be in six months.  I find myself thinking  "We can do this!" Do you know why? Because David has an enormous capacity to trust, and it fits with my own capacity (obsession?) to prepare.  We may not get everything we want, we may not be able to make the sun stand still. Yet, in the words of the poet Andrew Marvell (1621-1678): "Though we cannot make our sun stand still, yet we will make him run!"


It is time I got going. I will see you around, after my CAT Scan on the 12th of April, on the way to Santiago.